


Not An Archaeologist

by PinkPandorafrog



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aromantic, Bad Science Jokes, Christmas fluff and smut, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 13:30:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5335841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkPandorafrog/pseuds/PinkPandorafrog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy's closest online friend suggests she visit for the holidays.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not An Archaeologist

Darcy was scrolling through Instagram when Steam's message alert popped up in the bottom right corner of her screen. She couldn't help but smile when she saw the name, FeHominid. FeHominid was her most frequent chat buddy and probably her closest online friend. His real name was Tony, and apparently he lived in California. It was probably warmer there than the sleet that was falling outside her house.

_FeHominid: You're awake. And playing that dismally graphically inferior game._

Darcy rolled her eyes. She was in the middle of The Long Dark. They'd met, if you could call it that, when she'd bought a copy of _his_ game on a whim a little over a year ago and had left a long, detailed review about it. He'd messaged her, and they'd sort of starting talking. Talking had turned into flirting.

She picked up her phone from its resting place on the couch beside her and swiped through until she was calling him. He answered before the first ring even stopped. “Yeah. They just released an update for it. I always say I won't play again until the storyline is released, but every time they do a big update I just get sucked in again.”

“Really?” He had a nice voice. Smooth, very often amused-sounding like it was right now. “Maybe I'll have to release an update, then.”

“Oh, please. You stopped caring about that game months ago.” She smiled as she scrolled past the picture of a kitten cuddling around a tiny teddy bear.

“True. But if there's you and sucking involved, I might have to get back into it.” She rolled her eyes, but she was grinning. He paused for a second. “What are you smiling at?” Apparently he heard it in her voice.

“Kitten pictures.”

“You know, you could just get a cat and fill Instagram with your own cat pictures.”

She'd thought about it. It wasn't like she'd have to pay a pet deposit considering she owned her own house. “I might. But then it would probably sleep on your side of the bed.” He said he always slept on the right, so the running joke was that it was his side of the bed.

“Definitely don't get a cat, then. I don't want my pillow covered in fur.”

Darcy grinned again, letting her head fall back against the back of the couch. “What are you up to right now?”

“Decorating.”

Her eyebrows raised a little in disbelief. “What, for Christmas?”

“Yeah.” His tone clearly indicated that not only should that have been obvious, but he was surprised at her surprise. “Happens every year right around this time.”

Her eyebrows rose a little. “I've heard that.”

“Any plans? You're done with school, right?”

Darcy shrugged, not that he'd be able to see her. “Yeah. Not really. Hang out. Make faces at the snow. Do my very best hibernating bear impression.”

“You should come to California.” His voice was serious, and the statement fit in so smoothly with the rest of the conversation that Darcy almost overlooked it.

“Yeah, I wish.” Darcy's eyes widened for just a second. She was facing another long midwest winter, and even a day in California would be a nice break. “I'll start walking now, but it'll take me a bit to get through the snow.”

“Or you could fly like a normal person.” The amusement was back.

Well, she could. There was probably enough sitting in her bank account for a two-way ticket. She narrowed her eyes as she thought. “Okay, but I'm just going to... Sleep at the airport?”

“Or here. I promise I'm not just decorating myself, I actually have a place to live.”

“Really? I thought you just sort of hung out on a tiny island somewhere, just you and your laptop and your phone.”

“Only during the summer, the waves get a little high during the winter.”

Darcy grinned, shifting the laptop against her lap. It was tempting. Like, if he was actually serious, it was tempting. The school where she taught wouldn't be back in session until January, and it wasn't like she had anything else to do. “I don't know...” Because she trusted him, but it would still be flying halfway across the country to meet a dude.

“Just think about it. Sitting naked in the hot tub with a nice big cup of Irish coffee...”

“Naked?” Darcy's eyebrows went up again.

“My hot tub has a very strict dress code.”

Darcy's grin grew. “I'll think about it.”

 

* * *

 

The cab driver had hesitated when Darcy gave him the address for Tony's house, and now as they were driving up to it she could kinda see why. It wasn't a _house_ . It was a _mansion_ that looked like it had a fantastic view of the ocean. She'd always sort of assumed Tony was an archaeologist or something, given his screenname. He was definitely sciency, which was fine, she totally got scientists. But what kind of scientist owned a house like this?

Someone was waiting outside on the drive as they pulled up. Darcy couldn't really see a face, and she twisted this way and that trying to get a better look. But as the car pulled to a stop, the guy who was waiting walked around to pay the driver.

In fact, she really didn't get a good look at him until she was standing in front of the gigantic house with her backpack on the ground beside her. She looked up and her mouth dropped open a little bit. “You're Tony Stark.” Because he was, in fact, Tony Stark.

“Only since I was born.” He gestured at her with the- was that a screwdriver he was holding? “You're good at this. Come on in, I just put some coffee on.” He turned and pulled the front door open.

Darcy followed after him, carrying her bag, just a little bit bemused. “You didn't think to tell me that the person I've been having hardcore phone sex with is actually a famous genius billionaire guy?”

“To be fair, it didn't really come up.” Tony glanced over his shoulder at her for a second, brown eyes dancing with amusement. “Had you asked me, 'Are you a devastatingly sexy billionaire who moonlights as a superhero,' I would definitely have said yes.' I mean... Does it matter that I'm not...” He gestured with the screwdriver again.

“An archaeologist?” She got the sciency part right, just not the right branch. “I totally thought you were an archaeologist.” She shook her head. “I get the F-E, but hominid?”

“Well, I am a higher classification.” He looked over his shoulder again, this time with a smirk that perfectly matched the amused tone in his voice that she recognized so well. She'd heard him speak on TV and stuff, how had she missed it?

“You're definitely something.” Still, Darcy couldn't help but smile a little. She looked around as they moved through the house. He really hadn't been kidding about decorating, his house was all Christmased out. The kitchen was even decorated, a tiny tree sitting on the counter with garland extending from either side, the top of the walls lined with sweeping LED lights.

There was a full pot of coffee sitting on the counter as well, though. Darcy placed her bag gently on the floor, and took the mug Tony handed her and got herself a cup. After helping herself to some creamer from the fridge, she leaned back against the edge of the counter and looked up at him. “I can't help but noticing that since you _do_ moonlight as a superhero, you could have brought your happy ass to Wisconsin much more easily than I came down here.”

He nodded, taking a drink from his own mug. “It's true. But do you have a hot tub with a strict dress code?” He was smirking again, and Darcy couldn't help but smile in response. “I didn't think so.” The smirk fell off of his face, and he regarded her with a serious expression for a second. “While I would _dearly_ love doing even half the things that have, uh, come up during our conversations, there's more than one bedroom here.”

Darcy nodded. That was nice to hear. She was struck, though, by how lonely he sounded. “Why don't we just see how the evening goes?” She looked up at him, and her lips turned up in a smile again. “Can I at least get a hug?”

His warm smile in response to that gave her all of the warm fuzzies. She set her coffee cup down on the counter, and he stepped towards her, setting his own cup down just beside hers. He leaned down as his arms came around her waist, pulling her close against his body. Tony was definitely a full-body hugger. She reached up to loop her arms behind his neck, closing her eyes as she rested her head against his shoulder. This was nice.

The hug lingered on for more than was probably strictly friendly, but Darcy didn't mind _at all_. He smelled good, an odd combination between metal and cucumber that somehow worked on him. Eventually, though, they pulled apart.

They ended up on the couch in his wide open living room, a fire going in the fireplace and the Food Network playing some sort of giant gingerbread house contest on the TV. Tony had one of the gauntlets from his suit in his lap, which explained the screwdriver, and Darcy was poking at her laptop a little bit. Her coffee had been topped off, a healthy splash of Irish cream added into it It was pretty chill, it was pretty much perfect.

She looked over at Tony. He had the gauntlet on and was wiggling his fingers, then he pulled it off and set it on the arm of the couch beside him. “Hey.”

He looked over at her, one eyebrow faintly raised. “Yeah?”

“Would I be on your way if I came over there and sat with you? Fair warning, I might fall asleep on you.” Because Darcy gotten up stupid early and then spent the next seven hours on an airplane.

“Not at all.” He set the screwdriver down on the table that was beside the couch and lifted up his arm, sort of beckoning to her.

She took her sweater off and set it on the arm of the couch beside her. He apparently kept his house fairly warm, and snuggling with him promised to be even warmer. She set the laptop on the cushion beside her and slid across the couch until she was snuggled up against his side. His arm dropped down behind her, hand settling on her hip. Having never cuddled with Tony before, it took a bit of shifting around to find the perfect comfortable spot, but she ended up nestled against him, her head on the upper part of his chest. It was nice to be cuddled up with him, to feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest under her head.

 

* * *

 

When Darcy opened her eyes, there was a brief moment of disorientation. Her pillow wasn't nearly as soft as she remembered, and she was mostly sitting up. She sat straight up and looked over into the very amused brown eyes of one Tony Stark. Right. “Did I snore?”

His fingers were tracing absent patterns against the small of her back. “No, but you talk in your sleep. Something about giant gingerbread men?”

She turned to look at the screen. The gingerbread thing was over, and apparently Chopped was on. “How long was I out?”

“About an hour.” His eyes moved over her. “You hungry?”

Now that some sleep had been squared away, she was, in fact, pretty hungry. “Yeah, food sounds really good.”

“I am fresh out of giant gingerbread men.” She gave his shoulder a gentle shove. “I figured I'd dazzle you with my culinary skills tomorrow, but for tonight we could just order something.”

She looked at him. “Dazzle me? Do you cook with food-grade glitter?”

“That is an excellent idea.” She gave him another shove, and this time he caught her wrist and pulled her against him again. “What do you want? Anything.”

Darcy let herself relax against his side again, turning to rest her cheek against his chest. “You said the local Thai place is really good.”

“Sure, we can do that.” He tapped away at the tablet that was resting on the arm of the couch beside him- where had that come from? “There. It's on its way. Or it will be.”

She moved towards him, turning around so that she ended up sitting across her thighs with her back against the armrest, looking into his face. “Hi.”

“Well, I can't say that I mind this new seating arrangement.” His arms went loosely around her, hands resting lightly against her hip.

She studied his face for a moment. It was still a bit of a trip, the idea that a face she'd seen on TV and on the front of magazines and stuff was actually just a few inches away from her. “Why didn't you pick me up at the airport?” When she was making plans, he told her it was a bit of a cab ride from the airport to his place, but he'd pay for it. They'd argued a little, but after she'd GPS'ed the route, she'd agreed.

Tony looked back, dark eyes fixed on hers. Sitting like this she was a little taller than he was. “I wasn't sure if you'd actually figured out who I was or not. And if you _hadn't_ , I didn't want the first time we actually met face to face to be a public event.”

No, that made perfect sense. That probably wouldn't have been a whole lot of fun. “For the record, I hadn't.”

He nodded. “I gathered, yeah. I could have told you, but it was nice getting to know someone I absolutely knew wasn't just getting close to me for the money, or the company, or the reputation, or...” He shrugged. “Whatever.”

Darcy let her eyes drop to the dark, unmistakable facial hair that ringed soft-looking lips. She leaned forward, ducking her head to press her lips against his for just a moment before pulling back. His goatee prickled a little bit against her chin.

A grin came across his face as she settled back against the arm of the couch again. “Are we doing that?”

“I wanted to see what that thing you're growing on your face felt like.”

“An excellent idea.” His gaze was on her lips. “I think further tests are in order so you can really get the full experience.”

“The full experience?” It was hard to be sassy when she was just a touch breathless, but Darcy sure gave it a shot. “Wash, dry, _and_ wax?”

“Something like that.” He twisted a little, leaning down into her, and his mouth was over hers again. He licked into her mouth, his tongue velvet heat as it danced alongside her own.

She ended up flat on her back on the couch, gripping at his shoulders. Tony was settled between her thighs and bracing himself on one arm to keep most of his weight off of her. His other hand was creeping up slowly along the outside of her leg. His fingers curled around to brush against her ass as it went over her hip, and then kept going to slide up under the hem of her t-shirt. His hand was warm as it came to rest over the side of her ribs.

She nipped at his lower lip as he pulled away, opening her eyes to see him looking down at her, his eyes dark with heat. “So the results are...”

Darcy grinned, catching her lower lip between her teeth. “Pretty good. I think more testing would be good.” She ran her fingertips over the line of his shoulder.

“Hmm.” He looked at her for a moment before his head ducked down again. This time, though, instead of closing his mouth over hers he nudged at her chin with his nose until she tilted her head back. His lips closed over the side of her neck just under her jaw, his mustache tickling into a sensitive spot that tingled and made her shiver. “Ooh, I like that.” He did it again, humming his appreciation as she shivered under him.

“I do too.” Her voice was all kinds of husky, she just went with it.

“I can tell.” She could hear the smile in his voice as his lips brushed her skin with every word. His mouth moved over the side of her neck like he was exploring it, taking note of every spot that made her gasp and shift against him.

“Can this...” he started as he reached the dip in her collarbone. He grabbed a handful of her shirt from the inside. “Can we get this off? It's really in my way.”

“Yeah.” When Tony eased back, Darcy pushed herself up a bit and he helped her pull the shirt up and off. It ended up on the floor somewhere. As she settled back down again, she pulled on the front of his own long-sleeved t-shirt. “This should come off too, though.”

He quickly shed his own shirt, and Darcy's eyes widened as she took in his bare torso. He wasn't huge like Thor but he was pretty cut. Nice arms. “So you work out.”

He shrugged, but she could see the gleam of amusement in his eyes. “A little. I mean, I keep in shape. The suit's heavy.” He braced his arm against the couch again, and this time when he lowered himself down his mouth moved against the upper part of her chest. He took just as much time there as he had at her neck, gradually working his way lower and lower until he was nipping at the inner curve of her breast.

She couldn't keep from running her hands over his back and shoulders, enjoying the feel of his muscles moving under her fingers as he shifted over her. He was nibbling a path across her breast to draw the rosy peak into his mouth. Her eyes fluttered shut as his hand came up to roll the other nipple between finger and thumb. They pebbled under his attention. Darcy let out breathy moans and sighs, arching up into him as much as she could.

When Tony finally released her nipple, catching his lips over it one last time, his mouth made a hot trail over to the center of her body. He began a slow descent of slightly sucking kisses down until he paused to rub his chin in her navel.

“That feels weird.” Darcy opened her eyes to look down at him. As she watched, he eased back again, his hands coming up to hook in the sides of her yoga pants. He pulled them down slowly, catching the waist of her panties as well, and she lifted up to let him take them completely off, one leg at a time.

“More tests, then.” He shifted back a little on his knees and lowered himself down between her legs. He rubbed his cheek against the inside of her thigh. It didn't tickle, not quite. It felt strangely good as his facial hair scratched gently against her sensitive skin. There was the promise of more, though, of friction where heat was building between her legs.

“That's good." Her fingers buried in his dark hair.

He did it again, then the heat of his mouth was against her, nipping a slow line up the inside of her thigh, getting closer and closer to where she wanted him. She sucked in a breath when he was close enough that she could feel his breath against her heated flesh and held it. The next movement had his facial hair prickling deliciously against her labia, and she let out her breath in a long sigh. “Is this the full experience?”

“Not quite.” Tony shifted in again to press a closed-mouth kiss against her clit, his hands heavy against the tops of her thighs.

She bucked up against him at the contact, wanting more. “Okay, this is pretty good. Just, like, more of it.”

She felt the puff of air of his amusement, and then his tongue touched gently against the sensitive bead of nerves. His movements were gentle at first, delicate even, but then he started to speed up, his tongue flicking harder against her. When his lips locked around her clit, he shook his head a little. His facial hair felt amazing against her hot center, and she pushed up against him again.

He flicked his tongue over the swollen-feeling bud, gentle suction providing steady pressure. Her pleasure coiled in tighter and tighter. Her hands were pushing through his hair, tangling and untangling. She rocked her hips up into him, chasing the high promised by the sinuous dance of his tongue, the sinful grind of his chin.

When she felt the edge of his teeth, Darcy cried out. The pleased-sounding noise he made vibrated through her and had her digging her fingers into his scalp. He did it again, pressing her clit against his teeth with his tongue. She went still beneath him as her pleasure crested and broke, sending a wave of hazy warmth through her.

He eased off, and when she came down from her high he pulled away completely. She opened her eyes to see him looking up at her from between her legs with a very satisfied smirk on his face. “Yeah.” She swallowed against the dryness in her mouth. “I am definitely a fan of whatever you call that thing you've got going on there.” She gestured in the general direction of his face.

The smirk spread into a grin and Tony sat up, wiping his mouth off on the back of his hand. He pulled out a condom from the pocket of his jeans before quickly removing the rest of his clothes and letting them drop to the floor. In another second he had the package open, the condom unrolled along his erect shaft.

He moved towards her, easing himself down towards her again. She brought up her legs to wrap them around his hips, reaching down to guide his cock to the entrance to her pussy. She was more than ready for him, and he slid home with one smooth thrust. The slick glide of his cock through her cunt felt amazing, and she let her head fall back, eyes closed.

He pulled back, almost all the way out, and surged forward again with a sudden thrust that had her grabbing for his shoulders, fingernails digging in. “Tony!” He did it again, and Darcy gave a long, low moan. She dug her heels into the taut muscles of his ass, urging him to go faster.

He set a quick pace. She rocked up to meet him every time he pushed into her, the fingers of one hand tangling in the back of his hair. He shifted, grabbing the back of her thigh and pulling her leg up over his shoulder. Darcy gasped at his next thrust, the angle suddenly _deeper_. The head of his cock slid over her g-spot every time he thrust forward, and the whimpered moans she made filled the room.

It wasn't enough, though, not quite. She dropped her free hand down to roll her finger back and forth over her clit. “Fuck, Tony!” She could feel the heat building again, the world narrowing down around them.

“Come for me, Darcy,” he urged, voice low. “I wanna feel you come.”

She was right there at the edge, and another maybe dozen thrusts sent her her spiraling over, her pussy gripping rhythmically at him. She let out a long moan, tugging a little at his hair.

“That's it. Fuck!” He fucked her through it, his fingers tightening on the back of her thigh.

She grabbed at his shoulder, purposely clenching around him. “Shit, do that again.” She clenched again, and he let out a low groan. His movements started to stutter, then he buried himself deep, gripping at her as he found his release.

Almost immediately the doorbell rang. Darcy opened her eyes, letting out a breathless laugh. “I guess that's dinner.” Good timing, that could have been a little awkward.

“DUM-E will get it, it's fine.” When her eyes widened in question, he shrugged the shoulder that didn't have her leg on it. “One of my robots. He tips too much, though, the little bastard.” There was a certain fondness in his tone.

Sure enough, Darcy was just sitting up and pulling just her sweater and panties back on, an odd robot with just a hand rolled into the room carrying a brown paper bag. She looked from it to where Tony was coming back in from the kitchen. His jeans were back on, the zipper done up but the button still open. She looked from him to the robot and back again, and all she could do was shake her head and laugh.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written Darcy/Tony in FOREVER and I wanted to do something Christmasy and fluffy, so... THIS!


End file.
